I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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