i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
