He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
