THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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