Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
