If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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