Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
