Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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