Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
