they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
