Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
