Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So squirting runs in the family.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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