I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
