Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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