I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this boner is exhausting
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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