if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sober January is a disaster.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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