This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
