I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
