The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
