I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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