hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
