fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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