the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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