i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
