She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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