i just made my gag reflex go away.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
