Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
