buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
