My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
