His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
People in love make me want to vomit
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
