She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
