I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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