Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
