just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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