The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
