Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
