My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
