there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
