I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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