Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
