Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
