so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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