Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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