he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She needs sedatives and a leash
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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