im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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