I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
