Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
