you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found your dick twin last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
