i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
