When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
