Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
