We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
