well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
